Loving a Lie

What would you do if you woke up one day to learn the past decade of your life had been a lie?

One day I woke up and that is what took place when I married a fictitious guy.

Married thirteen years you think there is no way…

Well I am proof there is and it still haunts me to this day.

Some would think I’m crazy how could I have not known.

Well when your married to a narcassist then your life becomes their own.

They suck you in promising you the moon and stars.

All the while conforming to who you want and not to who they really are.

They are so good at telling fictacious tales they believe them to be true.

Lying about everything just to sink their hook in you.

After the hook is sunk they will reel you on in.

At this point your clueless thinking this is the one to win.

You become the bait stuck inside the trap.
Now by this point there ain’t no turning back.

Soon the mask will get slowly peeled away.
Your then hit blindsided left wondering what you should do or say.

They try to convince you that you are the cause of all their actions.

All the abuse is because you didn’t act right and this is a normal reaction.

They demeanor nag and constantly put you down.

Until you believe it and are left with no self worth anywhere to be found.

Isolated, rejected, criticized, mentally, physically, emotionally.

Your no longer yourself and can’t even think rationally.

Stripped bare not from clothes, rather from feeling because the abuse leaves you numb.

Life as you knew it is gone and no longer fun.

This man you loved being replaced with a controlling abusive jealous angry and selfish person you do not know.

Deep inside you want out but hold onto the one you feel in love with and just can’t let go.

Laying awake at night silently crying for fear you will be found.

Too scared to move or breathe for fear he will hear the sound.

Praying to God to help you find the strength you need to leave..

Knowing if you don’t escape it is death that you shall receive.

The only way to break free from a narcassist is by him finding the love of another so he moves on or by death.

For if he does not find another to feed his hunger he won’t let you go so he would rather there be nothing of you left.

I was lucky he found another to keep his hunger fed.

Tossed aside as if I was trash just like that.

But I can honestly say thank you for setting me free and giving me my life back!

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30 Comments

  1. I woke up after about 14 years…and took another 5 years to finally get out. After I left, she found her first love, the one she’d been looking for all our married life. She told me, “If I’d found him before you left me, I’d have left you. Your words are spot on.

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    1. I am sorry to hear that you had to go through this too. Life is too short to be wasted let alone be wasted because of somebody else’s poor choices. Or actions. Time heals all wounds and you deserve to find someone who is just as special as you. Dont ever give up! Thanks for reaching out to me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad to see someone else writing about this and being an example. I did get out. I survived. I got married again and it’s a night/day situation; same family…much different results. It’s been an incredible ride, unlearning my bad behavior and learning how to react correctly again.

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      2. I married my ex-wife’s niece…I know, it sounds creepy, but the story is far from that. I’ve never been this happy (almost 4 years married) and neither has she. She was married to a narcissistic man and survived. We’ve helped to heal each other in the process.

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      3. That is amazing! I like to hear about Happy Endings! Good Luck to you and her both! I am rooting for you on the sideline. Every one deserves to find that kind of relationship!

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      4. I agree. It seems to run (gallop) in her family. Her mom and my ex were sisters and I know it is learned behavior. Their mother was as well, but she was working on changing (thru help at church) before she passed. Was too late for the children and they went on to wreck and ruin a number of good men, myself included. I’m glad it wasn’t passed on to my wife. Now I protect her from her mother, limiting access to what my wife wants to give. I’m her windshield, her bug screen and her protector when she asks me to do so. I will not let her mother sink her claws into her again; and she is thankful for my leadership and protection. We live across the street from her and she still sees precious little of her daughter (my wife) and that’s how my wife likes it, in small doses.

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      5. Small doses and a strong army of wisdom will see you all through. Family is still family despite their shortcomings. Sounds like you are both on the right track and her mom should be thankful for you, although more then likely unfortunately she will see it differently. That’s neither here nor there however the only ones it really matters too is you and your wife and it sounds like you guys already know the truth. May others learn grow and benefit from this happy ending!

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  2. I have also experienced the indescribable feeling of finding out that the person you have loved, lived with and created a life is a complete stranger because every detail of their life is a lie. I conceived two children and spent 4 years of my life with a real life psychopath. I felt mentally raped, stupid, and became mentally obsessed with dissecting everything for actual truth. Thank you for the article.

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    1. Thank you for reaching out. I understand exactly what you are talking about on every level. You are absolutely correct it was more then just lying. It was almost criminal manipulation. A whole sick thought process. It effected every aspect of my life and still does at times I think. I have since grown and now have found peace with myself and with him. I am much stronger and wiser but still struggle with it so have chosen to distance myself from getting into another relationship until I can fully understand it all out of fear that I will attract someone else like that and I am 5 years post relationship. Time Heals all wounds they say so at the very least I will know who I am and why a I am the way I am so that if it does I will be able to recognize the signs ahead of time maybe. I wish you the best and thanks again for reaching out to me.😄

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      1. I once jokingly compared mine to Charles Manson because of how poetic and lyrical he was with his words. I mean his ability to draw people in and have them hanging on his every word is actually quite impressive. That is until you realize that the comparison I made was entirely accurate. I just didn’t know how much. But yes time does heal you. I won’t ever be the same after it but I look at it as I survived and was smart enough to change my circumstances. There are so many that don’t or can’t see the situation for what it really is.

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      2. That is so true. For me I ca.me to the realization being a mom to 4 girls I had to break the cycle or they would think that type of behavior was acceptable and allow themselves to be subjected to such later in life. Hard facts in life but I made the right choice.

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      3. That Is exactly what brought me to my senses finally. I started thinking about my one and a half-year-old daughter and my newborn son and the partners that they would choose and how they would treat their partners later in life because I gave them a port example of how a man and woman should behave towards each other and that was all it took after that I was completely done

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      4. You made the right choice. You are doing you and your children a lot of good by doing so. Children are like sponges they soak everything up and believe it or not but what happens to a child in the first three years of their life is what molds them into what they will become as an adult. Hard to believe but its the truth and a lot of people don’t know that. Yes they can still learn after the age of three but the main part of their brain is wired by the age of three for adulthood. Just a little food for thought in case you didn’t know that either. So thumbs up to you. You are very wise.

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      5. It is so nice to have someone that truly understands what it really like to fall in love with, stay with through all the abuse and emotional rollercoaster, and finally decide to leave someone like this. People have told me when I’ve tried to explain that they feel like they are watching an episode of 60 minuets or dateline. And there’s no way to explain the long term ptsd effects that you develop from it unless you’ve lived it. I’m glad that you as well made the choice for you and your children. Thank god we we were intelligent and strong enough to do that. There are a lot of women that sadly aren’t.

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      6. So true a lot of women are afraid they won’t make it on their own and others fear the actual violator retaliating as well. I tried to leave several times but failed before I was finally able to break free. It took my house being burned to the ground and the cause coming back as unknown electrical fire to bring me to my senses. Still not sure if he was involved in it but he was best friends with the fire chief who was the first one on the scene. Also took his time took 32 minutes before the first drop of water hit my place and by then it was too late. I was home alone and it was a little after midnight when it happened. Scared me straight into reality. I have several other poems you may actually be able to relate to on my site. I wrote many about this man and his evil ways and what it did to me. Still to this day I find myself reliving it all over again. Not as much though it has gotten better.

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      7. Unless you have actually been there they will never be able to understand just how bad physically mentally and emotionally it was for you. They might say they do but its not possible. I used to joke around and say my life could truly be a made for TV series on the lifetime channel. It would probably be on the best sellers list for it as well. Very few known the whole story but it makes my hair stand on end thinking about just how evil he truly was.

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      8. Girl, it is pure evil. It scares me that there are people that actually exist and can so easily blend in before they expose their true colors. I’m always reading people now and watching and listening. My radar is always on now.

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      9. Mine is too. I can see them coming a mile away now for sure. I have closed myself off from most people. I don’t let anyone know where I live and don’t care to have friends really. Sad but true I’m better off that way. I don’t want to be taken for a fool again. You should do a search for the three stages of a narcasistic relationship if you have time. Its very interesting and answered so many questions I had. I only wish I had read it sooner. If you do read it let me know what you think after you read it. Just curious to see if you see the big picture after reading it too.

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      10. The only difference between a psychopath and a narcassist is that a psychopath knows what they are doing is evil where as a narcassist is oblivious to the harm they cause. Not sure which is worse they both are terrible regardless

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